It was long ago. I was working at a restaurant. I was eighteen. There I met a beautiful young lady. She was shorter than me, but at six foot four most people are. She had dark brown hair and wonderful green eyes. Her smile made me weak. I would have done anything for her.
It was almost Christmas and the decorations were going up. As someone put up the mistletoe the girls started talking about getting the guys underneath the mystic sprig. As I walked by, I heard a sexy voice say, "I want to kiss Tim."
I stopped. Had I heard right! Suzanne wanted to kiss ... ME! My heart stopped. I slowly turned to see her take the last step toward the mistletoe. I stuttered sheepishly, "M-M-Me?!?" She slowly nodded. I was shaking, but stepped to her. She reached up. I couldn't help myself, I put my arms around her and our lips met. I never wanted to let go. I fell for her then and there. She is the only woman I have ever known that said that she wanted to kiss me.
We "dated" a few times. I was a kid I sucked at dating, still do! She was staying with friends and I would go over to see her after I got off work, late.
Then came the night that I would screw up and regret the rest of my life. I got there late, as usual. She was sleeping on the couch in front of the fireplace. I looked down at her. Her face was glowing with the light from the fire, her hair was soft and gently tossed. She was wearing a long grey nightshirt, T-shirt type, and not much else. She looked so beautiful. I had never seen anyone so angelic in my life. I got down on my knees and gently kissed her lips. She woke and pulled me closer. We kissed for what seemed my entire life. She had me, I would stay with her forever.
Then it happened. She moved my hand under her shirt. My head was spinning, what was I doing? I cupped one of her perfect breasts. I felt warm and wonderful. Fear suddenly hit me. I didn't know what I was doing, what if I did it wrong! What if this isn't what she wanted?! I found myself pulling away!
"What's wrong?" she said.
"I, I have to go." I blurted out.
"I was hoping you'd stay tonight.", her voice obviously hurt.
"I really need to go." and I turned and left.
I was so stupid, I stopped because I didn't want to do something wrong and blow it between us but that's exactly what I did by leaving. We didn't see each other again for many years. I got married and we had two kids. My wife left me. I married again. We had three kids. So after number 5 for me I decided to get "the cable disconnected." I went and had a vasectomy. No need to go into that but a week later I went back to have it "checked", you know, get a count.
Anyway I walked into the doctors office with my "sample". I stood there waiting for someone to notice me. That's when I heard, "Hi, Tim."
I knew the voice! It was her! I was so startled and so embarrassed by the reason for my visit, that I made a fool out of myself. I said, "Hey, … Suzanne, right?" I knew perfectly well who she was. I had seen that face in my dreams at least once a week for the last 22 years. I couldn't bring myself to look at her ring finger. I wanted to jump the counter and just hold her again.
Instead, I handed her the sample and said I'd see her later and left, ... again. If life weren't cruel enough at this point, I am now going through another divorce and Suzanne is still in my mind. I have walked away from the most beautiful woman I've ever known twice. I cry, ... I cry in my heart. Oh, that she should read this and understand. I long for some mistletoe, now. I started writing to Suzanne a few months after I left her in front of the fireplace. I have written to her for 27 years and never mailed any of the 289 letters. I then put the letters into a book, I hope she would find to be … a love story. I sat on the book for a few weeks wondering if I should try to find Suzanne or just make up an ending. Jack, my eighteen year old talked me into getting the book to her. Now how do I find her? I knew where she worked five years ago. Maybe someone there knew where she was now. I printed out the book and the following letter:
Suzanne,
I have been needing to tell you I’m sorry for a long time. I am so bad at verbal encounters, (my brain goes blank), as you well know by now, that I have taken to writing things down, when they are important to me. I had a dream about you a few weeks ago and I was unable to tell you how sorry I was in the dream before fate cruelly woke me. I hurt so bad that I … well, I am sending you the result. I am taking a chance and sending this here in hopes that you still work here or at least someone knows where you are. This is the only printed copy. You may do with it as you see fit. I would understand if you didn’t even want to read it. There are twenty seven years in here and I now give them to you. The book is not finished, it lacks one letter, the one which I cannot write. If nothing else, I hope the book at least gives you some answers. In closing, I would like to let you know I am still married for a short time more, so even if you did want to talk, an occasional email is all I could do right now. I am again so sorry for that night, for twenty seven years of not knowing and for the frozen brain I get every time I see you.
Seeming to be eternally waiting,
Tim Wayne
Jack said he would take it up to the office. I had no idea if it was a good idea or not. So, on my first break the next day. I called the Dr.’s office. I dialed the phone, shaking like a leaf! Here was the plan. Ask who ever answered the phone if they knew Suzanne. Why do things never work out the way you plan? You got it, She answered the phone! I am not altogether sure I didn’t say’ “Oh, sh**!” out loud. The conversation was, to say the least, interesting. She was, I’m sure, taken aback by my call. My voice was auditable quivering. I don’t remember much of the falderal that came pouring out but I know I said, “My son is bringing you an envelope today. In it is my explanations, my apologies and my life. I know I have no right to ask you for anything but please, please read it.”
She paused and ask, (also in a shaky voice), “Are you alright?” I told her my son would explain and I had to get back to work. I called Jack and told him what I did. Still shaking I told him everything I forgot to tell her, Like, you might not want your husband to read this if you have one. I told him she probably thinks I am dying. Jack called me as he was leaving. “You were right, she thought you were dying, I explained everything. She is still very pretty and is married. She has two kids and one grand-daughter.” There is more of this later, but for now, … She has the book! If I accomplish nothing else out of this book Idea, Suzanne knows!!! I waited a week without any word. Then … an e-mail! Suzanne and I began e-mailing each other and have moved to phone calls. We even see each other once in a while. I have ask her if I may call her Annie since everyone else calls her Suzy. We are both going through a divorce. Annie and I talk all the time now, both on the phone and in person. I have ceased writing letters and opted for the notes and verbal communiqué However, Suzanne has taken up where I left off and is writing letters to me almost daily. She will never know all that she has done for me. We are talking almost everyday, now. She is so funny and so bright, I just hate to end our talks, but they do all end with a pair of “I love you’s. I never could have wished for as much. She has become a dream come true to me. She has held my heart for nearly my entire adult life and now not only knows that fact but apparently shares the same feelings.
My friends and co-workers tell me this is like a movie or fairy tail but it is a true and honest love story. My life, whether it has been before or not, is most definitely, without a doubt, thanks to her, … a heartfelt, never-ending Love Story. I look forward to many, many more chapters in our love story. We have endured the passage of time, apart, but it is my hope and desire that she chooses to spend the rest of my days as my co-author, my partner and my love. Annie and I have shared our love for each other almost 30 years. We have moved through time apart but seemingly in the same direction and toward the same goal. I have longed for this day. I went to see her at work, her best friend knew I was coming but Suzanne didn’t.
I walked in her eyes lit up. “Can I talk to you.”
“Sure, what’s up?’
“Can I get you to come out here? I’ll just take a minute.”
She walked around the corner and out into the lobby. “Okay, what’s wrong?”
“Please, sit down.” Her eyes now wide, worried about what I had to say.
“Suzanne, you and I have been together all of our lives. I know not physically, but you have been in my head and in my heart and in my soul every minute of every day for as long as I can remember. You are my inspiration, my adventure, my effervescence and my smile.” “Annie, my love, … will you marry me?” Tears ran down her face as she through her arms around me and whispered, “Yes, always and forever.”
May God bless all of you as I have been blessed. Love is like energy, it cannot be created nor destroyed, it only changes form. When God put Suzanne and I together it was to be forever, … I think He meant it. He is, after all, always right.
… And they lived happily ever after. |
